News

Drop: 100 Titan NFTs
Drop: 100 Titan NFTs
Tuesday, June 1, 2021

I've started my first NFT ("Non-Nungible Token") drop, which will consist of a series of 100 Titans.

Titans are uniquely created characters that I made. You may have noticed them floating around. They exist on Planet Cur1yJ, deep in an ancient underwater mountainous jungle. They are the guardians and mascots of this realm.

They are a constant cycle inspiration for my own creativity and artwork. And they're a lot of fun.

No two are exactly alike, and each one of them can be officially owned by a single person on the Ethereum blockchain, and subject to the ERC-721 standard that powers most digital art and collectibles.

You can buy, sell, and trade them right now on my Cur1yJ Digital CryptoArt Shop.

Enjoy :)


Learning About Myself As A Man in Relationship
Learning About Myself As A Man in Relationship
Monday, May 31, 2021

This feels Vulnerable to share. But I don't think I'm alone. My life is not a private affair, anymore. My experiences and lessons are only made useful if shared.

 

- I'm aligning myself with the pulse of Love.

 

- How do I love somebody who’s transgressing through my deepest terms?

 

- I will never apologize for desiring, needing, wanting... unconditional Love.

 

- I spent almost 10 years of my life essentially in my Feminine; emotional, dancing, flowing, feeling- during/in active addiction. And thus, in relationship.

 

- My Masculine grows in solitude, and in company of other Men.

 

- Masculine Love is nourishing. Something gets full when I Love You from the place of "I Don’t Want Anything From You."

 

- A strong burning Fire and Fierceness lives within me. I'm learning to create structure around my Fire.

 

- Remember my breath. Notice my body. How it's responding, moving, reacting. Feel into my body. Ask myself; What does this moment NEED? What action NEEDS to happen? What NEEDS to be said?

 

- Re: Masculinity; Presence. Consciousness. Be here Now. Sati (Buddhism)

 

- The "darker" I get with my desires, the more I need to breathe deeper, look deeper; into the eyes, downwards, deeper, to the soul... be fully present. Send the Loving energy of "God" up through our spines. Remember my tantra practices.

 

- I am responsible for my own energy. And I should be full of life force, from my own practices. If she says No, or has a boundary; I don't need to react or shut down. I just go deeper into my own practice. I don’t need anything from her, because of the nourishment I get from myself. If I’m full, deep, working on my stuff, and in purpose; I am nourished.

 

- Lean in when I am poked. 

 

- I don't need permission to do my practices; breathe with her, feel her, connect with her. If she notices me breathing with her, and doesn't like it- don't withdraw. Lean in. I want to feel my partners Heart. I want to Practice with Her.

 

- If a fight with my partner is brewing; Slow down and notice my breath, body, & energy in these moments. I need to maintain consciousness and structure, so that I can lean in. My reactions communicate how much she can trust me to hold her heart.

 

- Defending myself in a fight is useless. Remember my Yoga practices. Face her, feel her heart, align my spine, and be there. Lean in.

 

- Relax into life. Everything has a purpose.

 

- A Peaceful Warrior does not seek pain, but when it comes, he uses it.

 

- Stop letting my heart waver. I have the capacity to love the fuck out of someone, even for a small period of time, even from a distance. While I want my partner to be present in human form, it is possible to do my own thing, and when we come together, Be fully fucking there, and love the fuck out of her. 

 

- Know my needs and desires: For the rest of the year, this is what I have to do. Don’t fold. Stay true. If I don’t follow my purpose, what I need, it actually makes me, and my partner, unhappy. Irony. It's possible that I sold my Truth for her.

 

- When I feel 'burdened', I create a story around exhaustion. And when I would attempt to Rest, that rest was not restful; demands were waiting for me on the other side. I need to create more intentional space to rest with no demands, and express that.

 

- My own shame, miscommunication, use of language, lack of updated agreements, tone, body language, unexpressed desires and needs...  impacted me greatly.  I held back Love in ways, as a result.

 

- I take full responsibility for everything that happens in my life. I haven't found myself blaming her. But rather taking ownership for my actions; growing from the lessons I'm learning as a result of this process, support, and reflections. This is my stuff.

 

- The areas where I feel "poked" or "attacked"; relax. have a sense of humor about it. House Rules: Paradox, Humor & Change.

 

- Remember: The Eye is the Gateway to the Soul. Allow people to see me, any way I am. When I feel extra vulnerable, I look away, turn my body away, close down. Come back to Consciousness in these moments.

 

- I’m headed towards a moment where my intentions in this lifetime will be bound to my multidimensional self, and I will become some form of a multi-dimensional master in this life time. Neptune goes over my point of destiny 3 years from now, but it’s quiet. And before it gets there, it squares off with every Sagittarius planet I have (five planets), and it takes down my ego at each point. I am becoming disillusioned in the most wonderful way.

 

- I learned with my Astrologer & Body Worker that there is a solid line of Mystics woven into my DNA throughout the generations. Feels connected to the Native American part of my heritage. Some connection to the Unseen and Hidden Truths of the World. Go deeper into ancestral work. In this life, I'm meant to be of service, rather than in a position of power, like past lives. I'm discovering how to be of service to the collective, to humanity; not just myself. I'm tuning into a higher dimension and bridging the gap between realms.

 

- I learned to Let Go. How to weild that ability. And it's allowing me to Open up; Expand.

 

- Some of my path is meant to be solitary right now. Sagittarius & Scorpio is solitary energy. This makes me sad, in ways. I need to go through this solitary time, or experience, so that I can come back to others more Whole, Complete, and Full with Love.

 

- Listen to some 432hz music when I start my days. Elevate my morning routine when I can. I need to start my days with some practice and solitude for myself, then spend the rest of the day in Service.

 

- Universe said I can sit this life out; But I said No, Let's Keep Going. My choice. We exist as a tribe. Not billions of different consciousness. One consciousness, billions of bodys. My tribe exists in the 5th dimension. 

 

- I can't just go along with someone else's stuff. Check in with myself. Constantly.

 

- I am willing to trade Fear, for Peace.

 

- I’m in my 9 year, which is the most spiritual number. The year of Sacred Service. Surrendering to the Divine. Trust. Faith. Belief. Knowing. Presence. All is well. Powerful.

 

- Some of the deepest work I’ve ever seen is to love an active addict, while maintaining strong boundaries. I'd experienced this with 100's of people during my time in NA/AA. My entire community, and support system, was addicts. This experience was Powerful, but not the best support system for me.

 

- Have to walk this path before I want to come back to partnership/relationship, and that is what is happening.

- I'm honoring WHAT IS. Embracing it. Feeling the moment. My desires. Staying there. The Sacred emerges from being with the other, fully present, and staying there; until I feel into what needs to happen next. 

 

- Remember to DROP DOWN, then Lead with my Heart from there... Instead of knee-jerk reactions resulting from an emotional lack of capacity, to drive my decision making.

 

- ANYTHING can happen from this place of being with what is happening, in myself, and in the moment.

 

- I am deepening my capacity to drop in, and lead through.

 

- Don't take action from a place of NOT wanting to feel something. Or to get something. Or to alleviate something. Relieve feelings. 

 

- Maybe Toxic Leadership, Toxic Masculinity, Toxic Anything… is about "ME". It's 'my way or highway', dictator shit. My Father used to say this to me all the time.

 

- Sacred Leadership is being a Yes to What Is. A deeper and more subtler listening to what’s happening in them, what’s happening in me, being a Yes to it all, and in the moment, until the next right thing emerges.

 

- Every present moment has millions of possibilities.

 

- Just holding space for a Lover's anger, is not Sacred. Be a Yes to her anger and a Yes to what’s in me, then allow something to come through. In this way, I train my nervous system to be there.

 

- Everything comes from just being with, and feeling. What am I feeling? I've been sitting in so much Stillness lately, just FEELING. Feeling the Truth of it. I stop myself from thinking of solutions. I'm just Being with the feelings. If I jump to make a decision; I'm trying to end the feeling. SLOW DOWN AND DROP IN. Remember: Stop trying to strategize how to end the feeling.

 

- Bioenergetics, Earth Breath Meditation, Ego Eradicator, Heart Horse Grounding Practices made me cry tears of Release; not sadness, or pain.

 

- I need to get full of the Feminine from everything else; the Earth, the Cosmos, my Environment…. Then come into relationship from there... instead of stepping into relationship from a place of exhaustion or being malnourished. Practice: Sit in a park. Practice going into my stillness/core, then feeling outwards. 

 

- Rooting is a skill set. Presence is a skillset. Depth is a skillset. We normally just think. Not feel. Rest in the infinite stillness, and feel the Chaos, without getting pulled into it. The Feminine in relationship can be Chaotic; and so deeply beautiful. And Life can be chaotic. So one of my essential masculine practices is to really root into my core heart. Then be with. 

 

- Feeling with and being with everything gives birth to action.

 

- Stop living in impulse; from the mind. BE Present. Pretty much everything Peaceful Warrior, hah!

 

- For me to be nourished, I have to enter a space of no demand, regularly. One of the ways I do this, is I run up a mountain, then sit on a rock for an hour. I watch Mother Nature, with no phone... Feel the sky, earth, all around me. And when I come off the rock, I feel alive.

 

- How can I be rooted, grounded, open… and still be with feeling? That’s nervous system training. My nervous system needs to rest so that I can be nourished. Re-training my nervous system to be strong.

 

- Fall into more play and “tantrums” to express myself, instead of using words. More humor. It's a different flavor of energy. I like it.

 

- Remember to ground. Breathe. Remember my Hands on Thighs Practice. Push my thoughts outside of myself, and into the world. Presence. Presence is the answer.

 

- I AM RESONSIBLE FOR THE STATE OF BEING I BRING TO ANY MOMENT. It’s on me to create life force if I’m afraid; afraid of not getting what I want, feeling something, etc. To work with this, I can just go into the fear, fully. Feel it all. Open up. Embrace that I’m afraid. Let it own me. 

 

- Often times when I’m anxious, it’s because I’m out of integrity with some part of my heart, soul, or who I am. Is there something I’m not doing in order to be in integrity with myself? There is shit that I know I need to be doing, to feel aligned... and if I haven’t been doing it, I’ve been feeling anxious. This is different than Fear.

 

- Part of my Mens Work is to get really honest and clear about where I’m out of integrity with my own truth.

 

- There's a Masculine tendency to end a feeling or experience that we don’t like.

 

- In every trigger; there is a gift. The result of my parents failing to Show Up or do the Work; is that I’m fiercely committed to that myself. So I hold other Men to that standard in my sphere. I think that’s a gift. 

 

- Lack of awareness shows up as: judgement, defensiveness, withholding, people pleasing…. That’s the unconscious relating with the masculine.

 

- Grieve for the Love I didn’t get from my parents. Maybe I have already. What didn’t I get from my Father that I needed?

 

- All of my practices are not just about me. Not about me getting something. Winning. Not feeling. Getting a partner to do something. Making more money- Nope. None of this. There’s something greater; the collective tribe. I feel that what I’m doing and what I’m trying to cultivate will serve, help, inspire others. When I plug into humanity, I find I have a deeper gear. 

 

- The body is the subconscious mind. So if I want to change the way of my habits, karma, destiny- I have to change my body. Have to elevate my body- breath, movement, meditation, food, bodywork, etc.

 

- On Changing Myself: As I go deeper into changing the state of my body-mind… I'm noticing that my entire body chemistry is changing. Hormones. Heart. Mind. Personality. I'm starting to have a different experience. I’m physically different. My awareness is growing. So, I’m cultivating better thoughts, different feelings, different perspectives, different experiences. Joe Dispenza does work around this; measuring heartwaves after deep practice. And this isn't just happening randomly. I’m showing up every day, with all my heart, to practice. More than ever before. With intention. This is different. I’m feeling everything. And everything is changing.

 

- Occuring World idea: "The world appears as a place that is not safe for me to express my deepest desire." So my Occuring Worlds can take the shape of my relationship to people, the world, abundance, money…. Basically Occurring World = It’s not safe for me to shine. Shift: I have all the time I need to do everything I want. LIFE IS NOT A BURDEN. This becomes part of my transmission. 

 

- Almost every complaint I have stems from my occurring world story. So then... manifestation is the result of my occurring world. How am I viewing the world, really? And is it true? Or did I make this up?

 

- BREATH IS CENTRAL TO EMBODIMENT. MORE. BREATHWORK. ALWAYS. Breathing deepens anything I do.

 

- I need clear intent.

 

- Hold other Men accountable.

 

- If I want to offer my FULL firey, blunt thoughts and feelings to someone: Ask them first, if I can be High Flame for a moment.

 

- My judgement is almost always projection. Both positive and negative projections happen. Same with resentment. Practice: I’m judging you to be a man that __________ . Then feel into my heart, where I do the same thing. And then say, “Just like me”. If I do that enough, I bring awareness. There is a tendency to get what I focus on.

 

- RUTHLESS SELF REFLECTIONS.

 

- I have to honor my heart, by creating structure around the impulse of my heart. If my strongest impulse is to hike in the mountains; schedule it. If I just flow with my feminine, it might be months before I get out there.

 

- Meditation: Sit for 30 mins with “Whats the deepest impulse of my heart that I need to honor and create structure for?”

 

- Any thoughts I have around “I have to do more, do better, it's never enough, etc.” = Residue of the toxic masculine in my psyche. My Sacred Masculine creates space and structure for the impulse of my heart. What is wanting to come through me now and how do I create space for that?

 

- On Holding Space, Emotions, Sex: Half of my awareness on consciousness itself, wrapped around them... and half on the heart and love that I am. I can be aware and in both of these. This is fluid, though. Holding Space should be moving. With structure and awareness. 

 

- I can have it all. Family. Friends. Love. Sex. Cats. Nature. Everything.  This is a deep practice. Having it ALL, really means having what I want and need. I can create what I want to create. 

 

- Impulse Discovery: If I wake up tomorrow and didn’t have to worry about Money, what would I do? Follow this. In many ways, the next right thing to do, is what feels good.

 

- What do I have to do today to die complete?

 

- Be with the beauty of my life and let it unfold, instead of pushing to get somewhere because of old programming.

 

- When I imagine the outcome of something, VISUALIZE THE OUTCOME THAT I WANT.

 

- My heart is the answer through which my truth comes. 

 

- If I have a sense of burden in my life, I’m probably not doing enough that feels good.

 

- SITTING! <3 Practice: Sit and do nothing for an hour, meticulously. No phone. Notepad is ok. No meditation, breathing exercises, etc. I just let my body be in the moment and let everything come through. I exist with NOW in the most relaxed, energetic way I can. I just do nothing and let it be. And I see what comes up. I have been doing this daily. 

 

- The capacity to do nothing is a skill. This is a place of regeneration. Write what I get inspired to do. Attend to the things that come up while I’m doing nothing, AFTER I’m done doing nothing. Trust what comes through in this space. I let life fill me with what she wants to. I can do nothing, anywhere. 

 

- Tibetan Buddhism claims that enlightenment comes through that part of my heart that aches/feels pain/throbs for Love, or Her. So be with that part. And feel the other Men who have experienced what I have. Enlightenment comes through the feeling of ache.

 

- Sometimes I can’t get through a resentment by feeling it deeper. So then, I need to elevate my state of being beyond what I habitually do. That elevation is to do contrary action. 

 

- Freedom comes from letting go, instead of the battle. The battle is the broken heart. 

 

- Create containers to honor my own feminine. Give myself 10 mins to scream, or move, or have a tantrum. Permission to dance all night at a show. Anything that allows me to express or move emotion. Even call up a brother, and say 'Hey, I need help in creating a container for my feminine.' I have to lead my own feminine. So it doesn’t leak out or explode. 

 

- Dark Love is a chord in the art of sexual polarity and intimacy. Just like sharpening consciousness is a chord. So, of course, I have to practice these chords. My capacity to use the chord is a function of my practice, and adapting my body speaks to the movements within that chord. 

 

- There will be some resistance when I learn a new chord, because I haven’t practiced that chord. Playful out through that limitation and see what comes out on the other side.

 

- More play. My Feminine responds beautifully to play. This is a chord as well. 

 

- Joy comes out of the top of my heart and throat. Open it up. 

 

- Learning to live in the space of feeling everything all the time. Like a meditative Theta State. 

 

- The more I practice, the more sensitized I get to the world. 

- There is an entire way of living that nobody ever told me actually existed. A way of an Embodied Experience... a way of S*xuality... a way of looking at Women, and the World, that no-one ever taught me. So, I’m immersing myself as much as I can, for as long as I can. I made a decision that this way of living is a priority, as much as my business, my artwork, my cats, my family, friends, food, etc… And I need to schedule my life to make it a priority. Anything I want to do or be, I have to make it a priority. If I don’t make it a priority, and in a year or two, I’m feeling the same- it’s because I didn’t make it a f*cking priority. Deepening, and being in my body- is my priority right now.

 

- What do I need vs. what do I think I need? Question how I need it. Do I really need it that way? Is that too much to ask? Am I asking someone to do something that they can’t?

 

- Great Masculine Practice: Be with Chaos, without collapse. The more feminine my being is, the less structured I am; mentally, physically, emotionally. Less "rational". So the deeper I go into my feminine, the more flow and chaos I’m in. If I decide as a Masculine partner/friend to really love a feminine being... and I want the feminine, I want the wild heart, I want devotion… I’m stepping in to take on everything that they’re bringing. Am I down for Loving EVERYTHING? (Ex. daddy issues, traumas, etc.). Yes.

 

- I can be IN chaos, energetically IN IT. Or feeling it with my awareness wrapped around it.

How committed to love am I beyond my own comfort, and what I want to do? Most of the time what I want to do, tends to be less memorable than loving somebody that deeply.

 

- How do I end a relationship with integrity and dignity? Structure. If I own my purpose and truth, it connects deeply with the feminine. What can I do to alleviate any pain a partner is still carrying about our relationship? What do I regret most? What am I most grateful for in her? What does she need to say to me, for us to be clear? Offer process, structure, timing. Need to give some space for the process.

 

- Own the parts of me that could be rageful, sadistic, and vengeful. It’s freeing. And it’s in ALL of us. It's primal energy stuck in the limbic system. Somewhere along the line, our human lineage was laregly abusers and destructors. 

 

- Face my karmic demon. What is the thing that I’ve really avoided? Generally there is an event, or moment from childhood, where I was terrified- like when my parents fought. "I must be bad. I'm confused. I can't do anything right.", etc. Be with my inner child in that moment, feeling that his parents are going to leave, and I don’t understand why they’re screaming and being violet, blaming each other. So, these feelings can come up whenever there’s a fight, or someone is leaving/abdanoment. 


- My heritage lives in my limbic system. 

 

- If I want a heart to bloom open for me: I have to be deeply tethered to consciousness, fully in my body, owning desire in a s*xual moment, and directional.

 

- Do I have a rejection wound that I haven’t fully dealt with? 


- Nobody is attractice, when they're thinking about themselves. Remember: Breathe deeper. Get in my legs more. The bottoms of my feet. Root. Feel outwards.

 

- What if I trusted in the wisdom of my body? What was my body feeling that disappeared? Losing desire can be a result of self referencing, or she’s not giving me energy. I need to stay in the experience. And guide. 

 

- I underestimate how much solitude I need, and how much time I need with Men.

 

- My purpose doesn’t have to be HUGE. And it’s highly personal. It’s what life is wanting me to do. With full commitment. My first few purposes in life were a result of old programming and childhood influences. I’m stripping away the bullshit and getting to: WHAT IS MY HEARTS TRUTH?

 

- Pushing past where I want to give up, or where I want to close, is where there is the greatest gain (ex. last few reps working out. Last few seconds during a yoga practice). Hold it, and continue to open past where I want to give up. This is the same with my nervous system. My capacity to hold my own emotional chaos; grief, anger, etc. is nervous system training.

 

- If I’m feeling malnourished, it’s because I’m not letting myself be loved deeply by one person at a time. I’m not really allowing my body, heart.. to take in a person’s positive regard. And my masculine malnourishment is a byproduct of that. 

 

- My practices aren’t about clearing every feeling I have. It’s about facing it. Feeling it. With a container of Love. I always tried to face my feelings by myself. Another Man witnessing me, and Loving me, while I’m in my grief, pain, sadness... has helped re-wire my nervous system. 

 

- Part of the masculine issue in relationship is wanting absolutes. I can love the f*ck out of everyone who is in my life, who isn’t, and even those who’ve transgressed across my deepest terms. 

 

- How is life asking me to Show Up?

 

- Don't underestimate the tender fragility of letting myself be loved.

 

- Sometimes my feminine hijacks my best masculine plans. Addiction in general is exactly this. Internet, food, drugs, etc. Addiction is my feminine. My masculine can recognize the feminine in my emotional body. 

 

- Most masculine beings will plow right through feeling, with no awareness. The feminine, if ignored, will get violent and destructive. My masculine gift to my feminine is the freedom of my heart. So if I’m aware enough to notice what’s happening, before I get derailed by my own feminine, then I can do something else. 

 

- If I’m collapsing; Who can I love? Who needs my love? 

 

- Exhaustion is an excuse for closure. 

 

- 'God' could be: feeling everything, moving, always changing. AND feeling the infinite, unchanging oneness. Practice is the capacity to feel one, or the other of these things. A moment has consciousness, and energy. The deepest practice is feeling one, or the other, or both, fully. Most bodies are not open enough to feel past a surface level. Can I feel the life and energy around me more? I’ve deepened. Can I feel the part of me that never changes. I’ve depended. And from this place, action is born. 

 

- I want to feel every moment. For as long as it lasts.

 

- I love my s*xuality.

 

- Of course, people can deepen while drinking - or in any addiction. But if I’m in ANY addictive cycle; whether it's food or hard drugs- I’m closing. The nature of an addictive cycle is closure. If my truth is: I’m not OK with this, and I’m doing it anyways- I’m going to close. 

 

- Who really, isn’t addicted to something? Be aware of my addictions and open through them. It is possible to be fully in an addictive cycle and be fully open. But most people aren’t deep enough in practice to do that. Some people can do it: be wasted, and fully open. But the level of practice needed to do that is absolutely ridiculous. 

 

- For me, it doesn’t get any better than naturally feeling and doing everything. Sometimes, I add some mushrooms to my practice, to intensify feeling. But I can create the most beautiful, sublime states through my practice, naturally. In all my years in active addiction, I’ve never felt as high as when I’m deep in practice. It really doesn’t get any better. 

 

- The moment something becomes a problem, and I’m ignoring it, it’s very hard to not close. Any time I feel like the moment is intolerable, and I want to go to something, instead of working through it, then I'm closing. 

 

- The masculine desire to numb, comes from my belief that something is missing from this moment; a level of freedom, release, etc. So in that space, I need something to numb that pain. The masculine desire for freedom is so pervasive. If I reach for the phone, I’m not looking for freedom. I’m looking to be filled with something. I think it really comes down to personal integrity. 

 

- Boredom is selfishness. It’s a way of saying I’m Not Satisfied with this present moment. 

 

- Fantasy is an escape. That can be an addiction too. 

 

- Feel in with my mind, out with my body. Be present. Be present. Fantasy is a way to not be present. 

 

- Contrary Action: Some of the deepest spiritual practice is Men or Eomen who are dissatisfied with the present moment, and have trained themselves to Love in these moments. Saw this all the time in AA/NA.

 

- Fidgeting is my nervous system’s lack of capacity to be with the present moment. Non-linear movement practices allow me to find places where I store stuff. 

 

- The nature of fidgeting is self reference. I’ve had this constant shaking leg issue since I was a very very young child. In middle school I unconsciously ripped off all of my eyebrows because of what was going on at home. My nervous system being disregulated is largely a result of my childhood experiences. Self referencing is like a weird tick of checking that I’m okay and still here. 

 

- Notice the impact that my self referencing has on other people. Self referencing is unconscious. Self referencing is a ripple that closes the space, if its done unconsciously. If done consciously, it has little effect. Notice my fidgeting and it’s impact. Self referencing is around what I want. What I need. It’s not necessarily what the moment is calling for. 

 

- Deepen and slow my breath!

 

- Move gently. Softly. With intention. With awareness.

 

- Stage 1: Doing it for me.

- Stage 2: Doing it for others.

- Stage 3: Doing it for Love. 

 

- Boundaries are overrated in service of Love.

 

- Don’t just do the same thing over and over. My brain gets trained into lack of creativity this way. I need this creativity in every moment. Makes me think of Sacred Goofiness. Sacred Humor: I am so committed to love, that I use all of my skills to make others smile and open their hearts. 

 

- Self awareness is so important. Be so very aware of why I am doing something. 

 

- I'm creating a set of skills to bring to certain moments. What skill does the moment need?

 

- Masculine practice is usually meant for other men, solo practice, and s*xual moments. Or moments where I literally have to hold someone’s feminine.

 

- Own my feelings. Don’t always be in my masculine. Come out of the cave and tussle with the feminine. Don't be afraid. Remember to split my awareness.

 

- If a partner is in their masculine, I can go into my feminine and be devotional to her. If my masculine is awareness, then how do I use my feminine (body, breath, action) to open her? Some level of play. Or stillness/meditation/consciousness can drop someone into their feminine.

 

- Go forward. The only way out, is through.

 

- Almost every feminine bad mood is a feeling of not being loved enough. How do I blast a partner with love in a way that can make her feel better? 

 

- Most every masculine bad mood is around not being free. 

 

- Practices to Remember: QiGong Practice for Grounding and Circulating Energy. Organ Grounding Meditation. Macrocosmic Orbit Practice. I Cannot Lose Love Practice. 3 Part Breath Chi Generator Practice. Manifestation Mantra Practice.

 

- We have a LOT of f*cking work to do collectively. 

 

- Stretch: The rest of 2021, I will do this Work. With all my Heart. The level of production of my artwork and tech business will suffer; but not to the destruction of my balance, health, or lifestyle. I will still do those things. But I am creating intentional space for this work, for the rest of 2021, 8-10 hours per day. I don't want to do one 45 min practice per day right now. I want to go deep, focused, and intentional. I will re-balance, re-evaluate, on January 2022. I need to do this, for me, my family, ancestors, lovers, friends.... and all humans I connect with. All relationships.

 

My focus for the rest of the year:

 

> Mens Group Work

> Mens 1 on 1 Work

> Masculine/Feminine Embodiment & Leadership

> Virtual Workshops / In-person Trainings

> Kundalini

> Tantra

> Spiritual Intimacy

> Sexuality / Sexual Polarity

> Body Work

> Ancestral Work

> Somatic Experiencing

 

At the end of the year, I probably won't recognize the current iteration of my Self.

 

I have intention. I have a plan. I feel clear in my purpose. I have support. I'm taking action. 

 

Deeper I go.

 

If you got this deep, thank you for reading...

To be continued.... To be discovered... With Love.

...

Want to hear/learn more? Listen to Men's Group Reflections from 2020, and Reflections from Spring 2021.


Cur1yJ Digital NFT CryptoArt Collection
Cur1yJ Digital NFT CryptoArt Collection
Saturday, February 6, 2021

Here it is, the Cur1yJ Digital CryptoArt Shop!!

I'm excited to announce that all my digital artwork is now crypto artwork, and it exists on the Ethereum blockchain as NFTs.

My background is in finance and computer science. I started hacking when I was 10, and some of my best tech nerd homies in college introduced me to mining and cryptocurrency like Bitcoin back in 2011. I've been active in the crypto markets ever since, and I think I have a unique perspective on it, in a way that could be helpful to some people who aren't really sure what it's like to invest in a bubble, new to investing, or don't really understand what's going on with cryptocurrency and blockchain tech in general. How it's both helpful, and hurtful.

Allow me to break down some points that I think are easier to understand and keep in mind when navigating these open seas (oooh pun!).

  • Cryptocurrency, like the stock market, at the moment, is purely speculative. It doesn't have much practical use for the every day life of a human. Especially when you remove 1st or 2nd world countries from this equation.
  • Cryptocurrency is still pegged to the US dollar. Most people, when they want to "cash out" of a coin, they do it for their native currency.
  • If the US dollar ever becomes obsolete, the entire financial world would essentially flip on its head. Literally every currency on the planet is based on the US dollar in one way or another.
  • Bitcoin's technology, imho, was DOA (Dead On Arrival). From what I know about software and finance, and currency... This coin specifically, is the right idea, but the wrong answer.
  • Cryptocurrency markets are so volatile, that 1 Ethereum, for example, could be worth $1,700 USD today (~ current price), and crash could happen that's so sharp, in one week it'll be worth $500 USD.
  • So say I buy a house for $500k USD worth of Ethereum. You sell me that house. 1 week later, the market crashes, and now that ETH is only worth $200k. Both parties lose. My house is now worth $200k, and you only have $200k worth of ETH because you didn't convert it to USD quick enough.
  • I had all of my bitcoin on Mt Gox circa 2013 after years of hoarding them at like $5/each. One day, MtGox disappeared. And so did all my crypto. I wasn't alone. Before that happened, multiple hacks occurred that were so bad they rolled back the market data by DAYS, simultaneously erasing the equivalent in trades.
  • Massive risk for both parties at either end of the purchase using a coin. And the value of coins are currently is  just based on bearish or bullish markets. There's no real world factors really driving it's price up or down besides traders and hype.
  • Equity in markets do not increase in value forever.
  • Bitcoin is different than Ethereum. Ethereum is way more practical than Bitcoin. Bitcoin is solely a cryptocurrency, whereas the tech behind Ethereum has WAY more use when it comes to artificial intelligence, dAPPs, etc... I could hypothetically build a new decentralized internet on the Ethereum blockhain. The imporant point here is that you can build things totally outside the scope of just a digital currency.
  • Thus, Ethereum > Bitcoin. Down the road, you will see the value of Ethereum become more aligned with it's actual value, as people become more educated and aware, and Bitcoin will die, get hacked, go underground, whatever. Even the fact that it's already being used by the like of PayPal (essentially the reason Bitcoin was even created was because of modern finance) is a big L. RIP.
  • We are in a bubble. Right now. 2021. Over half the country unemployed, pandemic lockdown, social reckoning, etc. The government is dumping trillions into the economy. Markets going up no matter what happens. People are giving it right back to them, or corporations, in the form of actions like Amazon purchases, GameStop hedge fund hype, crypto hype, YouTube consumption...
  • Tread thoughtfully. The hard part comes when the bubble pops.

    So now, here I am with cryptoart and Rarible, for now. I've imagined for years a way to actually create value out of my digital artwork and creations. I do so much shit on the internet. Everything can be copied, hacked, nothign is safe, and most people forget about what they have on the HD when they get a new computer or their GFX card gets fried. I've been waiting for some things in augmented reality to get further along, and I'm super excited about that down the road. But it's not quite where I want it to be yet. 

    You can go to my Cur1yJ Digital Shop on Rarible, and buy/sell/trade/own/love/share/enjoy my digital artwork, animations, paintings, experiences, etc. in a journaled and verified way. Only one of each exists, and only one owner. All tracked and valued @ the price of Ethereum. All public. Any time I finish something in the digital realms, it will live there, for now. Ways you can enjoy the artwork once you have it will continually evolve and be unique to each digital piece.

    Read more about NFTs (non-fungible tokens) here.

    Thanks for reading.

Limited Edition Prints of Millenial Bitcoin Investor
Limited Edition Prints of Millenial Bitcoin Investor
Monday, October 12, 2020

It's that time! 10 limited edition prints for the second original oil painting in the Titan Series are now available!

You can view the original piece here.

Each "Millenial Bitcoin Investor" print is 9”x9” Giclee on watercolor paper, acid free, signed and numbered edition of 10.

Price is $35.00 USD each, with free shipping.

These are now availabile in my shop! Order there, send me a message directly, or DM me on any major social media platform.

Thank you for supporting my creations <3


Programming + SEO Knowledge Breakdown
Programming + SEO Knowledge Breakdown
Sunday, August 23, 2020

I had a thought! I could break down in more detail a list of core topics that I make sure to stay studied up on, for some of the programming languages (+ an SEO-relevant bonus) that I'm more fluent with. I think it's a great reference point from which to dive deeper into specifics. You'll notice some recurring themes across languages too, which I think speaks to how important certain aspects are. Check it out:

MySQL

  • SQL and MySQL-specific Syntax
  • Security and User Management
  • Backup and Recovery
  • Installation and Upgrades
  • Scaling, Monitoring and HA
  • Data and Index Types
  • Stored Routines, Triggers, and Events
  • Views
  • Transactions
  • Performance Benchmarking
  • Performance Tuning
  • Partitioning

XHTML 1.0

  • Fundamentals
  • Images and Links
  • Tables and Forms
  • Tags

Python

  • Network & Web Programming
  • System Administration
  • Testing & Debugging
  • Object Oriented Programming
  • Files and I/O
  • Data Structures And Algorithms
  • Data Types
  • Advanced Data Structures
  • Data Encoding and Processing
  • Concurrency
  • Security

Ruby on Rails

  • Environment and Configuration
  • Routing and REST
  • Controllers
  • Active Record and Models
  • Helpers
  • Ajax
  • Session Management
  • Caching and Performance
  • Database Migrations
  • Security

Objective-C

  • General Patches
  • Memory Management
  • Exceptions
  • Protocols
  • Internals
  • C
  • Messaging
  • Categories
  • Best Practices

Node.js

  • Installation and Configuration
  • Basics & REPL Commands
  • The Node Core
  • The Node Module System
  • Control Flow and Asynchronous Patterns
  • Routing
  • Node Frameworks
  • Template Systems and CSS
  • Relational Database Bindings
  • Graphics and HTML5 Video
  • WebSockets
  • Testing and Debugging

Android Programming

  • SDK & Prerequisites
  • Java for Android
  • App Packaging & Deployment
  • View & UI Programming
  • UI Design
  • Data Handling and Persistence
  • Content Providers
  • Identity, Sync & Communication
  • Search & Location Services
  • Multimedia & Sensors
  • Components & App Lifecycle
  • NDK

jQuery

  • Element Selection
  • DOM Manipulation
  • Event Handling
  • Ajax
  • Styling and Animation
  • Plugin Usage
  • Plugin Development
  • Advanced Selectors and Traversing
  • Advanced Events
  • Advanced Effects
  • Advanced DOM Manipulation
  • Advanced Ajax

CSS

  • Media Queries
  • Selectors
  • Pseudo-classes
  • Web Fonts
  • Text Effects
  • Layout
  • Backgrounds
  • Colors
  • Gradients
  • Transition and Animations
  • 2D/3D Transformations

Bootstrap

  • Scaffolding
  • CSS
  • Layout Components
  • JavaScript Plugins
  • LESS Stylesheets
  • Mobile First Design
  • Tests for Bootstrap 4 and older versions

HTML5

  • Elements
  • Canvas
  • SVG
  • Input types
  • Forms
  • Web Storage
  • Workers

WordPress

  • Installation
  • Basics & Dashboard Navigation
  • Theme Development
  • Plugin Development
  • WP Core & The Loop
  • Data Management
  • Content Management & Aggregation
  • UX + UI
  • Performance & Scalability
  • User Access & Security
  • Multisite (MU)
  • Taxonomies & Metadata

PHP

  • Language Basics
  • Arrays, Strings and Regex
  • Design Patterns
  • Application Security
  • Object Oriented Design
  • Database Handling
  • Exception Handling
  • Debugging
  • File Handling
  • Mail Handling
  • Advanced Topics

Javascript

  • Language Basics
  • Objects and Arrays
  • Window, Browser & DOM Scripting
  • Expressions, Operators and Statements
  • Functions, Classes and Modules
  • Regular Expressions
  • CSS & HTTP Scripting
  • Event Handling
  • Client Side Storage
  • Scripted Media & Graphics

SEO

  • Search Technology
  • SEO Techniques
  • Search Engines and Directories
  • Linking Strategies
  • Keyword Selection and Optimization Strategies
  • Working with Meta Tags

Limited Edition Prints for "Deranged Fuzzy Tubbers"
Limited Edition Prints for "Deranged Fuzzy Tubbers"
Monday, August 10, 2020

I've created 10 limited edition prints for the very first original oil painting in my Titan series of 100!

You can view the original piece here.

Each print is 9”x9” Giclee on watercolor paper, acid free, sign and numbered edition of 10.

Price is $35.00 USD each, with free shipping.

These are now availabile! If you'd like to order one, please send me a message directly. There's still a couple left!

<3


Live Broadcasts
Live Broadcasts
Friday, January 10, 2020

Ok so, some background. I spent the past 4 years building this platform that you're using right now (Cur1yJ.com). It's focused on creating traditional and digital art, exploring technology, learning, & growing TOGETHER.. I run a software business full time, and I'm a "master" oil painter studying techniques of golden age renaissance creators. My partner and I live in the mountains so you'll catch some deer and fox and definitely our 2 cats live on stream some times.

I just started live streaming part time @ 8am MST on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. You can watch live right here, or on Twitch.tv. Archives, past broadcasts, highlights, and other content around our broadcasts will live in the Streams section. 

We talk a lot about digital art, painting techniques, technology, software development, design, business, community, current events, emotions, and whatever the vibrations call for. We do group studies/explorations live on stream A LOT, so you can join in and discover processes with us in real time!

We are really trying to explore and discover.. create with and support each other… and cultivate an awesome, caring community. I hope we can carve out a positive, caring corner of the interwebs.

Our arms and spirits open if you want to connect and chat or collaborate!

Welcome to the community! <3 thanks for listening..


Cur1yJ Platform Launch Guide + Notes
Cur1yJ Platform Launch Guide + Notes
Tuesday, December 3, 2019

So, I've spent the past little while building this platform, Cur1yJ.

The "L" is a ONE (1). Prounounced CURL-EEEE JAY.

Cur1yJ is me.

"Titan" is the little creature that you see.

I'll be live streaming a lot of painting, discussion, visual art, tech, etc. here, before the end of the year. Just have to run a couple test streams. And it's connected to Twitch too, if you're into that.

Journal entries/news/blog info is in the News section.

Journeys are where you can follow along in a more personal, specific, detailed way. Some are in progress, real time. Some have evolved, or "completed". Like when I was doing my oil painting study.

The Gallery is where you can check out my visual artwork and tech/developement projects.

Streams is for all your video-viewing pleasure.

Store is where you can support and purchase gear (currently an Etsy shop).

When I'm not actively live streaming, I host other channels/music/art/good juju. You can watch/listen/chat using the video player while browsing the platform.

Please, use the sidebar and chat with us... You can also ShareFollowSubscribe, Donate, View the Schedule, and quick Explore all of the most recent content in one place.

If you sign in to your Account, you can unlock exclusive Titan Avatar .svg rewards for taking certain actions on the platform. You can download them, use them, print them, and do whatever you like! ... I won't tell you exactly what to do to get them all, you'll have to explore (I'll expand more on that system in the future).

In the footer, you'll find Social Links, Contact Info, and Newsletter Signup.

And from here, we grow, together :).

Welcome to the Jungle <3.


Studio 38, PCK, Yopoh & Vibe City Reflection
Studio 38, PCK, Yopoh & Vibe City Reflection
Friday, December 1, 2017

Years ago, I co-founded a Non-Profit project for the community and arts based out of MA called Vibe City. Around the same time I was pretty involved with Section 17 and managing (I hate this word, it really was way deeper and more meaningful than that) Planetary Circus Kingdom (Soundcloud, Youtube), then Yopoh (Bandcamp, Facebook). Over a span of 4 or 5 years, I worked with a team of amazing supporters, contributors, friends and artists, focusing on the the advancement of independent art, creativity, positivity, love, and the success and sustainability of community, and the role that we all play in these important fields; both current and past members and their creative and passionate endeavors. I still carry on that spirit with me.

We hosted numerous events and seminars with artists looking to expand their consciousness and follow their dreams. It's a wonderful DIY community. I wore many hats during these inspiring years. I collaborated with PCK and Yopoh directly as they were involved in every project. We built a studio (Studio 38) that's still a haven today for artists to create, record, and practice all forms of expression and creativity through sound and art. I built a live streaming service to broadcast our activity and maintained some form of web presence. Purchased more music/art equipment, lighting, event gear, decorations, building materials, and studio tools than I can count. I helped manage, coordinate, plan, and execute all of our events. We organized a series of art and music showcases around New England. We completed numerous paintings and recorded multiple albums during this time. I'm so grateful for that time of my life. I was able to evolve and learn together with a growing, caring collective of people.


Studio 38
Studio 38
Tuesday, June 20, 2017

A look at the art/music studio we built in the south coast of MA. Poured my spirit into this place. One of the hardest parts about moving West was leaving this place's energy.


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