Tuesday, April 12, 2022
I’ve both felt, and been reflected to, that I’m a very sensitive human being. This felt like a problem for more than half of my life. Now, I know it's not a “problem” - rather, more of a super power. And, something that can be developed.
As I’ve moved through the world, it’s apparent to me that there is generally this black and white, gender-based way of thinking about sensitivity in Men and Women.
I see Sensitivity as personal - shaped by experiences and a willingness to embrace emotions.
My journey isn't a pursuit of happiness. To me, it’s all a path to FEELING MORE. Attuning moment-to-moment to what is happening, both inside and outside of myself. It's about embracing every emotion, sensation, and being present with what is. Not avoiding, hiding, or numbing – but rather, integration.
I've experienced leaning in to my especially challenging feelings, and moments, as a path to Harmony. There-in lies my work deepening my intuition, my knowing, my truth, and my connectedness.
This weekend, amidst the mountains and stars, late into the evening and early morning, a deeply intimate and passionate moment with my Beloved was disrupted as a candle we had lit flickered out. There was no wind. It felt very strange. Uncomfortable. We couldn’t name why, or reason it out- but something felt eery and ominous. The energy was disruptive.
Unsettled the next morning, it paralleled a somber truth: my 17 year old nephew's passing.
Was this a connection, or coincidence?
I lean in to these moments to delve deeper; seeking truth and meaning. I faced it all, feeling intensely within my practices, partnership, family, the unseen, and community.
And, I'm noticing that the grief I carry isn't just mine – it's really a shared weight. It's taken quite some awareness to discern what is mine, what's not, and what is OURS. It's bewildering, enlightening, inspiring, and painful.
Through embracing feelings, and becoming more attuned to myself and others, I'm crafting a profound connection with life's enigmatic facets.
His death has been a gift; revealing the depths of my relationships, and the depths of my Heart.
It's transformed our family.
His child will still be born.
We will Love her, so deeply.
And, we get to walk every day... carrying him with us.
Thank you for reading. x